Here's to all my fat-bastard fellow Americans celebrating Thanksgiving by stuffing their cakeholes full of turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie.
I haven't had a proper Thanksgiving dinner in 8 years... Don't think I've missed it much, but this year I'd really like to sit down to some mashed potatoes and gravy, a little pumpkin pie and sure, even some bird. I have to admit, I was one of those dipshitted folks who always thought of the holiday as Turkey Day.
When we're in grade school, we learn all about the origins of the holiday and we're asked to tell our classmates what we're thankful for. I remember thinking, I'm thankful for not being from a white-trash family like Timmy over there in the corner. I'm thankful I don't have a lazy eye like David, who may or may not be looking at me right now. I'm thankful that I can go home and pig out on junk food after school and not be starving like those poor bastards in Ethiopia...
What a little asshole I was.
We all were. Still are.
I guess getting past the point of being thankful for not being as fucked up as some others took longer than it should have, but at least I got there.
So, what am I thankful for this year?
I'm thankful that I no longer feel the need to eat myself into a diabetic coma. I'm thankful that the thought of doing so disgusts me.
But, goddamn, would I love a piece of pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top right now...
So would I!! Like you, eight years have passed since I've g I've had a decent bird, dressing and stuff! I actually forgot all about the holiday until today! Oh Well...Happy Black Friday Yo!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Loco! Treat yourself to a good dinner this weekend...
ReplyDelete"stuffing their cakeholes"
ReplyDeleteI got a meathole...works good too :)!
" I'm thankful I don't have a lazy eye like David,"
First laugh in 3 days!! Thanks bro!! :) I'm glad I'm not David or Timmy or any of the other fucked up kids too!
Meathole?... I know what you mean, but it sounds pretty bad. Haha.
ReplyDeleteFor the last seven or eight years Thanksgiving has only registered days after when I get late emails or someone mentions it in an article or something. Really...who gives a shit?
ReplyDeleteI can't believe people are still OK with a holiday that serves only one purpose: to glorify the Native American Holocaust of the 1600's.
Thanksgiving should be taught in schools as a day of mourning. America should FAST on Thanksgiving, not gorge themselves.
Like you said, it doesn't need to be about Americans gorging themselves, especially when most practically gorge themselves every meal...
ReplyDelete