Steady Rollin' Joker

The Fire Inside

2012-02-28T00:53:00.002-08:00

From There Will Be Blood:

Plainview: Are you envious? Do you get envious?
Henry Brands: I don't think so. No.
Plainview: I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people.
Henry Brands: That part of me is gone... working and not succeeding- all my failures has left me... I just don't... care.
Plainview: Well, if it's in me, it's in you. There are times when I look at people and I see nothing worth liking.

I hate to admit it, but the Daniel Plainview character in the movie from which the above is quoted is one of my favorite anti-heroes. I know that I have been an angry man for far too long, though I rarely exhibit my feelings in public.

I just keep it down below.

I've always been competitive, and when people play back at me... try to best me, it eats me up and I can counterattack with venomous rage. When I played ice hockey, I would get so fired up. I just wanted to win. To be the best. And when my teammates, most of whom were not as enthusiastic as I was about the game, failed to make plays happen or follow through with plays that I made happen, I would explode at them.

I was never well liked on any hockey team I played for. In fact, the only time I ever got along with the people I played with was when I played pick-up games. On those days, everyone just came out to play. It wasn't a big social event or team obligation appearance. It was people who lived for the game and wanted to kick a little ass. I mean, there was no other reason to be there than to skate your ass off and make good shit happen. Some days, we were like gods on the ice, setting up beautiful one-time plays, scoring improbable top-shelf goals with laser-like accuracy. We did it all for love of the game, nothing else. When the session was over, we packed up and left the rink not thinking about team stats or player camaraderie. We just wanted to compete hard for a couple of hours, leave it all on the ice and go home.

Unfortunately, this competition in me has reared it's ugly head at the poker tables recently. Now don't get me wrong, I do want to be a poker great. But, the bottom line in the game is money. If you're not making it, you're not a winning player, no matter what skills you have for the game.

I really need to be totally Zen every day at the tables and think every decision through carefully. When aggression is necessary, I'll be aggressive because it's profitable to be so, not because I want to beat the other players so badly. Ego has no place in a game where probabilities can work against you and leave you busted even when you play perfectly.

And we all know that when egos become involved, things tend not to go perfectly...

The Perils of Poorly Played Pocket Kings

2012-02-22T11:26:00.000-08:00

I had pocket kings 5 times yesterday. I won twice. The first loss came from trying to trap this fake-eyelash fossil of a fish and having a douchebag to my left sneak into the hand with Q7o and make quad queens with it. Whatever... I rebought and got right back to it.

Over the course of the next six hours I battled back to where I was only $100 down for the session. About 15 minutes before I left, two new players sat down at the table and things livened up when I looked down at my hand to see cowboys again. I was in early position, though, so I didn't get too excited. Not to mention, I'd lost with them three times already that day...

Anyway, on to the hand...

The cast of characters:
--In the small blind, Gamblin' Granny, a late-middle-aged Asian lady with a lot of gamble in her.

--to my immediate right, under the gun, The Cowboy, an early twenty-something guy in a tight-fitting western shirt that made him look like he was either going to a nightclub or a hoedown after poker.

--Dmitry The Low-Card Straight-Chasing Russian, a late-forties/early-fifties Russian guy who loves to catch straights and never get paid off with them. He's already flopped two straights and slowplayed them today. Chronic complainer.

--Baseball Cap & Hoodie Kid, a 21/22-year-old kid with the image of an online poker pro, but in reality is just a degenerate gambler and all-around bad card player.

Pre-flop:
The Cowboy opens things up with raise to 5xbb. I get stupid again and just smooth call hoping to trap his over-aggressive ass. 5xbb raises had been enough to get most players at the table to fold up to that point, so I thought I was ok...
Dmitry calls, Hoodie Kid calls, and so does Gamblin' Granny.

Crap.

The flop comes all low cards, 3,5 and 6 with two spades. I figure it hits Dmitry's range pretty hard. Granny checks, Cowboy checks (WTF? He's the pre-flop raiser), I decide to take a shot and bet just under 1/2 pot ($35). Dmitry calls. Fuck. Kid calls. Whatever... Granny calls. Of course she calls. Cowboy folds. Really?

The turn is 7c and Granny goes all in for her last $47. There's already over $200 in the pot, so I decide to call promising myself it's the last money I put in the pot this hand. Dmitry calls and so does the kid. The pot's now around $400 and I'm probably going to have to make a sick fold on the river because Dmitry and I still have over $400 behind.

The river pairs the board with a 3 of clubs. Granny's face is unchanging. I check, bracing myself for a massive bet from Dmitry. He checks. Holy Shit! I figure the kid is going to put his last $100 in and I brace myself. He checks, too. Really? I don't see how I can be good here, but I flip over my kings and slap them down on the table and sit back in my chair waiting for it...

"Come on, now... Don't slowroll me!" I bark at no one in particular.

Dmitry looks at my kings and sheepishly folds his hand. The Kid shakes his head and mucks. Finally, the old Asian lady mucks and says, "I had an ace."

WTF?!! Really? I scoop the pot and am up $300 ready to go home.

I grab a rack and say, "Last hand." When I check my hole cards, what do I see?... You guessed it. I won't go into details, but I won that hand at showdown too, and everybody huffs and grumbles... "How do you keep getting pocket kings?" I get asked. I just smile and don't tell them that I lost just as much money today as I won with them. Then I pick up my rack, say good-night, cash out and go home.

What a day...

Overplaying Your Hand

2012-02-18T00:13:00.000-08:00

Today at the Venetian, I sat around for three hours waiting for a decent hand to play. I picked up a few decent hands after that but ended up down a third of my stack for my troubles.

So, I took a break and went up to the food court and had some Panda Express.

When I got back to my seat, a few people at the table had been replaced and I soon found myself in a couple of interesting hands which bought me back to even. $300.

About twenty minutes after that, I look down at pocket queens. It's raised to 12 bucks in front of me. I figure I'll be creative and just flat call since the guy who raised likely has Ace-King.

Stupid.

I should've reraised there. Two more players call behind me and we're four ways to the flop, not a good situation for QQ. The flop comes all low cards and the guy who raised pre-flop bets out. $30. I figure I have the best hand and don't want the two droolers behind me calling that cheaply with their draws, so I take it uptown. $120. Those two fold and the original bettor says "All in."

Fuck.

I call because I'm pot-committed and he turns over pocket Kings. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I played it stupid and got burned for it. This is what happens when you overplay your hand. And, after four hours of careful play, just like that, I'm down $300.

No big deal. I rebuy and we're back at it.

Not even 10 minutes later, the same guy raises preflop to $18. I look down at pocket 9s and call planning to toss my hand away if I don't hit the flop hard. Again, the two droolers behind me call and, again, we're four to the flop.

It comes 9 8 2 rainbow and I bet out $30. Tweedledum and Tweedledee fold and Mr. Kings raises. The same amount as I did the previous hand we played, to $120. Is he fucking with me? I thought and say "All in." This time, he makes the face I did when I was forced to go all in with queens and grudgingly says "I call."

I quickly flip my nines over and he groans and glares at me. The turn comes a four. Then the river, down and dirty... a king.

Fuck.

He holds his cards up to where only the lady next to him can see them and says "pocket kings" just to be a dick before mucking his hand. I'm sure he had pocket aces, but who the fuck cares, right? I scoop the pot and he picks up his remaining chips and calls a floor person, "Table change, please!"

Good riddance.

I end up winning a couple more decent-sized pots in the next twenty minutes, then cash out for the night.

Down three hundred bucks one minute, up over a hundred thirty minutes later. Wouldn't be any kind of big deal if we were talking craps or roulette, but for a professional poker player, it's a pretty wild ride.

Now to burn myself with a cigarette for misplaying a huge pocket pair in the way I promised myself I wouldn't...

Random People Who Do Amazing Things: Poker Princess

2012-02-14T09:47:00.000-08:00

Most days when I play at the Bellagio I see her. She's in her early to mid-twenties, quite attractive, and an amazing poker player.

From the moment she sits down at the table, she runs the show. She plays strongly in position, forces people out of most pots, and shows down the nuts often enough to be feared by even the loosest and drunkest of poker degenerates. When she leaves the table, the dealers often say something like, "There goes a future superstar of the game..." And, I believe that.

She is, in short, awesome.

Any Port in a Storm

2012-02-06T21:04:00.000-08:00

Too many people feel worthless if they don't have a romantic partner in their lives to make them feel loved, or at least wanted.

For me, yeah, I suffered from this for a few years, but mostly in terms of physical relationships. These days, however, I'm secure with who I am and find that not being on the lookout for something all the time actually leaves me more able to see the opportunities that are there in front of my face.

I guess most people who got married early on, say in their twenties, were unable to be content being on their own, so they latched on to the person who made them feel the most wanted or needed before ever truly learning how to live free, creative lives. They become prisoners of their own insecurity and the more the years go by, the deeper the attachment to their life partner becomes and the thought of separation becomes more and more frightening.

For people like these, all that life spent in between break-ups and finding new love becomes miserable life. Meaningless life. Wasted life. When they finally meet that person they consider to be "the one", they say things like "Where have you been all my life?" Or, "Why couldn't I have met you five years ago?"

Why do we need the affection of someone else to validate our own existence? Is it hard-wired, or do we get it beat into our heads from watching romantic movies, from religious teachings, societal demands?...

I don't know if I'll ever get married again, and I'm less certain about ever having a child of my own. At this point in my life, I'm happy to be free of such complications. Maybe that makes me a cold son of a bitch, I dunno... But, if I ever do have a kid, I'll make sure to show him/her how to live without relying on the support of others. And, I'll make sure he/she knows that receiving love and affection from someone special isn't necessary to have a happy existence, but a gift for being a good person. Icing on the cake...

Sin City Super Bowl Weekend

2012-02-04T11:04:00.000-08:00

We're right in the middle of Super Bowl weekend here in Vegas, one of the busiest times of the year. The sports books are full of drunken degenerate football fans looking to get their gamble on while enjoying Super Bowl fever in the gambling mecca of the world.

This means the poker rooms are full of people just giving it away. At the Venetian yesterday, I stacked 3 people who all held only top pair while I held a set twice and an overpair once. Actually, I stacked the same guy twice, both times when he had Ace-King, once all-in pre-flop with my pocket aces and once with a flopped set of 4s. After that one, the guy yells at me, "Jeezus Criminy! Again?! Fuck this, I'm leaving!" I almost felt bad for taking his money so easily.

Almost.

So, I ended up pulling in almost 3 buy-ins in four hours yesterday afternoon. And, that was Friday.

Looking forward to what today and tomorrow might bring...

On Food, Family and Lack of Sleep

2012-02-01T09:37:00.000-08:00

Food:

Japan has some great food, I can't deny. But, when it comes to variety and food with lots o' flavor, America rules.

I love Mexican food above all other kinds, and I made sure that within a couple hours of getting off the plane I had a couple of carne asada tacos at an authentic Mexican food hole-in-the-wall. Fuck me, was it good...

However, access to so much great food at very reasonable prices has me in danger of undoing all the good I've done in the last year with regards to losing weight and getting into good shape. I'll be challenged more than I have been in the past few years to limit my portion sizes and to avoid eating when I'm bored. But, if I can do that successfully in the good old Bloated States of America, I know I'll be alright...

Family:

While here in Vegas, I'm staying with my parents. Last time I was here I rented an apartment right off of the strip, but this time I'm enjoying hanging out with the folks. They're still the same, but I think I've lightened up a bit, so we're all getting along fine. Good to see my old man back to work with his old company after being laid off a few years ago due to the shitty economy and lack of any hope of recovery. After being laid off, he quickly took a job that had him taxing himself physically to the point of exhaustion and it was hard to watch. But now, he works out of the house, seems to have a smooth work schedule, and generally seems healthier than last time I was here.

I may be the only poker pro in Vegas right now staying with his mom and riding the bus to the casino, though. Oh well, what are you gonna do? I'm not planning to settle down here, so why bother with getting an apartment and a car if I'm going to be moving on in a couple/few months?...

Lack of sleep:

Getting over jet lag is one thing, but when you vary your work schedule as much as I do mine, getting a good solid 8 per night is difficult at best. It's ok, though. If I wake up and can't get back to sleep, I just find something to do until I'm tired again. That's one of the biggest benefits of being your own boss and setting your own schedule. Feeling fine, though, so no worries...

A Parting Thought:

I'm not missing much about Japan at this point, but I knew that I wouldn't be. However, one thing I do miss is checking out the local news and not having to see multiple stories about gang shootings, carjackings and bank robberies...

Greetings From Vegas

2012-01-29T21:10:00.000-08:00

Sunrise on the Las Vegas Strip...

All the vampires are scurrying back to their temporary lairs. The morning joggers are trying to avoid knocking into them as they make their way from from Tropicana to Spring Hill and back. One thing's for sure, the Strip between 6 and 8 a.m. is as close to peaceful and pleasant as the heart of Vegas gets.

For me, this is the time when a night of drunken donkey degenerate poker has just come to an end and I begin the trek home. Of course, I don't play poker drunk. A lot of the other players, however, do. Thankfully.

Each night is a different poker room in a different casino. Friday night was the Venetian. Saturday, the MGM and Aria. Tonight will likely be the Bellagio. So far, the Aria is my favorite. It was under construction the last time I was here, so last night was my first visit. It's got everything a poker player could ask for... a great atmosphere, lots of drunken tourists and early 20-somethings that think they're hot shit and overplay their hands, as well as the usual group of middle-aged and retired folks who call draws way too much and passively put their money into the pot while good players bet the hell out of their good hands.

So, why don't I play there every night? Because I can't stand seeing the same regs every night and don't like it when tourists who are in town for a couple of days see me on their second day and say, "Oh no, not this guy again..."

It's funny, there are a lot of full time poker players out there, but the ones who've endured and have made a living off the game for years are the ones who know how to table talk. The smug assholes who treat tourists like they're garbage and don't engage in even simple greetings, even though it's the tourists who they get most of their money from, they couldn't last long in the game without becoming bitter and depressed. Live poker is a social game and in my opinion, if you don't have decent social skills, you should stay home and play the game online.

Unfortunately, this has become very difficult to do these days in the US, so poker rooms are even more full of these miserable douchebags.

I pray the poker gods don't let me become one of them...

Moving On

2012-01-25T08:32:00.000-08:00

I've lived in Japan for just about seven years in total. Today, I'm leaving it. Maybe just for awhile. Maybe for good. I honestly don't know.

When people ask me what Japan is like, I'll give them the same answer I always have.

It's a silly place with a silly culture full of silly people behaving like children their whole lives.

People say, "Come on, now you're just being crass." And I say, "Yeah, you're probably right."

But, the truth is that the above pretty much sums up how I feel about the place. You can take it negatively if you like, but the fact of the matter is that it's the silliness of the whole place that draws so many westerners in.

It's also what sends most of them away eventually.

Don't get me wrong, I've met some of the most amazing people here. People who've changed my life. A couple of them, in particular, will always be in my heart.

Anyway, sayonara Japan, at least for now...

Sapporo to Sin City

2012-01-21T01:51:00.000-08:00

Even though I left them a couple months ago, I decided to accept a short assignment from my previous employer here in Japan since I was going to be in the country for three weeks, and because there aren't any casinos in Hello Kitty World to make money at, just pachinko parlors and horse tracks.

The assignment had me back in Sapporo for a few days facing 3-foot snowdrifts and subzero temperatures. Actually, it wasn't bad at all and I enjoyed the crisp, clean air. Now that I'm back in Tokyo and waiting anxiously for Thursday's flight to Las Vegas, I'm feeling regretful that I'll be leaving someone special behind. I'll be leaving some good friends behind as well, but women are always the hardest to say goodbye to.

It's not forever, and even if I don't return to Japan to live anymore, I'm hoping she'll stay a permanent part of my life. But, so much is up in the air right now, and I don't know where in the world I'll be in six months. Even with the best of intentions, long-distance relationships rarely work.

But, that's life. Sometimes you've just gotta say "damn the odds!"

Except at the poker table, of course...

Back In Hello Kitty Land...

2012-01-11T22:47:00.000-08:00

Back in Tokyo until the 26th, then it's off to Sin City.

I feel childish for feeling this way, but except for the fact that I get to hang out with my good friends, I'm not excited about being back. I guess as I spend more time away from the place, I realize that people here tend to suck. The societal sickness that exists here is more apparent than ever.

First, getting off the plane at the arrival gate at Narita and seeing half the passengers run toward immigration had me shaking my head. Uptight nutjobs. After that, having people push their way on to the train right through passengers getting off all because they didn't want to miss out on getting a seat or because they feared the doors would close stranding them until the next train comes, left me feeling the urge to start slapping people. Inconsiderate cunts. I mean, even people in Hong Kong know that they can wait until everyone gets off before getting on and not have the train leave without them...

Ah, who cares? I'm leaving again in two weeks and I'll be spending one of those in Sapporo, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much.

Staying Strangers

2012-01-03T21:17:00.000-08:00

It's a new year. 2012.

Isn't the world supposed to end this year or something?...

Whatever. People still talk about new year's resolutions the same as ever. I'm gonna quit smoking. I'm gonna stand up to my boss and demand that promotion I deserve.

Good luck with that.

I hear that shit and I just want to roll up a bandana, wrap it around low on my forehead Mike Muir style and say "If you're not now, you never were."

Anyway, things roll on here in Macao much the same as they have since I arrived here late last year. I've met a few characters at the poker tables and have struck up friendships with them. Last night, however, I had a rather unusual encounter.

A fellow who sat at my table last weekend ended up sitting next to me in the poker room waiting area yesterday after we were both told it would be a couple of hours before a new game started. I don't think either one of us planned to wait that long, but decided to sit it out for a little while hoping against hope that we would end up in a game sooner than that. We started talking poker, travel, lifestyles and such and before long, we were fortunate enough to get placed into a new game. Coincidentally, we ended up sitting next to each other at the table.

We played poker and talked for about 5 hours before we were both ready to quit the game, me up a buy-in and him about even. He remarked that he was hungry and I asked him if he wanted to join me for dinner. He did and we stopped in at a restaurant inside The Venetian, just outside the casino floor.

B is from Melbourne. He's a working man who had never traveled outside of Australia until last year. His first trip was to Las Vegas for poker. He said he'd had a good time there and enjoyed the games. This trip to Macao was also a poker vacation. He was staying at The Venetian, a fairly expensive hotel. He played poker every day in the Venetian poker room. He ate his meals at various restaurants inside the Venetian. With the exception of an afternoon of sightseeing, his whole vacation was spent at The Venetian. He said his air ticket ran him about $1800 Australian. It seems the entire trip set him back around $3500. The worst part is that he said he felt like the whole trip was a waste of money since he didn't find the games very good nor did he find Macao all that interesting.

I started to feel a sadness inside as I talked with him. Nothing depressing, just that maybe this guy is a lost soul. We talked about relationships; I talked about my previous marriage and he admitted that the only woman he ever wanted to marry married another man. He wanted to change jobs. He wanted something more. It seemed he was stuck...

It would be easy to say, Hey, if you want to change your life, man up and do it. But, I don't know... I'm just not that way. I mean, it seemed there are some deep issues with this guy that keep him down, unable to make the next move. Maybe, he needs help.

Maybe, he just needs some good friends to lean on and encourage him. That's the impression I got. What drove that point home for me was when the server came by and asked if he was finished with his meal, only his plate was still half full of food. With a resigned look in his eyes he just waved at the food with a gesture that said Go ahead, take it away. I'm done.

At that moment, an incredible feeling of sadness made my stomach knot up and I felt, just briefly, that maybe I understood what things were like for this guy. I can't explain why I felt this way and it probably seems weird to someone reading this, but...

After we paid the bill, I said I had to run to catch a bus back to my island and asked him if he was on Facebook. He said he wasn't. I remarked that it's a great way to keep in touch with people. He said, "Yeah, that's what my brother always tells me, but I'm just not on it, mate."

I got the point and shook his hand a final time before wishing him a good night and safe return home.

People come and go, but some seem to stick in your mind...

Afternoon in Hong Kong

2011-12-29T21:17:00.000-08:00

British folks can stay in Macao for six months by just presenting their passports at immigration here. Other Euro citizens, 90 days. Americans? 30 days.

My planned stay was for six weeks, so I had to make a run to Hong Kong and reenter Macao to get my passport re-stamped. It's not a simple border run; you need to hit the open ocean on a high-speed jet boat for about an hour. It's cheap enough, though... $18US one way.

If you've never been to Hong Kong, you ought to go if you have the chance. It's a very cool town with a strong international feel, unlike Tokyo which makes anyone a complete social retard if they live there long enough.

This ferry raced us part of the way to HK...

We actually made port in Kowloon, just across the harbor from central HK...

Kowloon Park is a very cool little oasis amidst all the hustle and bustle...

In Hong Kong, double-decker buses are standard...

Tokyo has many market streets, but the ones in HK are much more vibrant...

Hong Kong, like San Francisco, is built along miles of hillside, although the vertical nature of HK can leave one with vertigo...

Hong Kong at night is a wonderful thing to behold. Next time I'll get some night shots of the city skyline, not just a busy downtown street...

I have to admit that since happy hour in SoHo tends to run from 3-8 p.m., I ended up partaking in a minor pub crawl that left me in no shape to scout out and take night shots. Thankfully, the waters were nowhere near as rough on the ferry ride back as they had been on the way to Hong Kong.

I made it back to Macao by 10 p.m.

This time I was granted 20 days stay by Macao immigration, enough to finish up here and head back to Tokyo on the 9th of January.

Merry Christmas From Macao

2011-12-23T21:06:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of year again. For the first time in a long time I'm spending the winter holidays in a new country, though I'll be gone shortly after the new year begins.

I do hope everyone enjoys the winter break. As for me, things are going much better. I had a great week at the tables and am now back in the black and not looking back.

As this is a Saturday and part of a series of holidays here, I don't have much time for posting, so indulge me and let me share a few photos of my neighborhood at night...

Taking a Beating

2011-12-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

Poker's a game which combines both skill and luck. Skillful players will win in the long run versus unskilled ones.

In the long run.

In the short run, bad luck can make even seasoned veterans of the game want to curl up in the fetal position and weep uncontrollably. Matt Damon's Mike McDermott said it best in Rounders, "Get your money in when you have the best of it. Protect it when you don't." Getting your money in with the best of it means sometimes you're 80/20 to win and other times 55/45. Even if you're a 90% favorite, 10% of the time you're going to lose. If it weren't so, pro poker players would have no way to make a living since bad players would get tired of losing to them 100% of the time. Makes sense, right?

Unfortunately, that 10% is spread out over the long run. In the short run, you can lose 10 out of 10 big pots even if you are the 90% favorite. If you're all in with 10% of your poker bankroll invested in the hand as a 90% favorite and still lose, you can shrug it off. If it happens again the next time, You curse your bad luck. Then it happens again the same day or the next one, and you feel like you've been kicked in the balls. Imagine it happening 10 times in a row... Your poker bankroll is wiped out. You're busto. Broke. Finito. It's not common, but it happens.

And, this is considering perfect or near-perfect play against tourists and degenerate droolers.

This is why pro poker players should have considerably large poker bankrolls relative to the stakes they're playing. And strong stomachs.

For two weeks, I ran ok here in Macao. But, for 4 days this week, I took some really bad beats with a fairly sizeable amount of money invested in each hand.

A 1/4 of my poker bankroll gone in four days.

The only positive thing I can say is that I played each of the hands perfectly, getting one or more players to get their money in bad each time. My hands just never held up.

Does this put me out of the game? Of course not. I could be back in the black by next week. However, it has been a bitter pill to swallow and I'd like to take a couple of weeks off and travel around southeast Asia a bit.

Unfortunately, when I applied for a double-entry China visa, I ran into a snag. It went like this...

Me: "I would like a double-entry China visa, please."

Chinese official: "Just a moment while I make a call to the head of the Consulate..." (on the phone - Chinese, Chinese, Chinese... "America" Chinese, Chinese, Chinese... Hangs up)
"Sorry, we can only give YOU a single-entry visa. You'll have to apply for another one before reentry."

... Single-entry and double-entry visas are the same price, but as you might have guessed, Americans pay more than anyone else for one.

So, China, I'm sure there are some nice things to see there, but until I've ticked the boxes for places like Machu Picchu and Kilimanjaro, you can go f@#k yourselves.

Macao is the Mecca For Poker's High Rollers

2011-12-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

The biggest poker cash game in the world is played at the Star World casino here in Macao (See image insert). Tonight after a decent run over two sessions of playing cards at both the Wynn and the Venetian, I decided to stop in at the Star World to catch a few minutes of the nosebleed action. It was definitely surreal... for ten minutes I stood only several feet from Tom Dwan and Phil Ivey as they pushed around millions of dollars. I mean, the blinds for this game are $10,000/20,000 HK (around $1000/2000 US) and there was at least 10 million US on the table.

Un-fucking real...

I'll definitely never be able to get my head around what it's like to play in a game like that, but it's pretty cool to watch these rich Chinese businessmen take shots at guys like Dwan and Ivey. Johnny Chan was there, too, by the way... Looked like he and Ivey were pretty tight.

As for me, I'm starting to get a good feel for the cheesy low-limit cash games that I'm playing here and hope to run as well as I did today for the rest of the month.

Greetings From Macao

2011-12-03T22:04:00.000-08:00

So, I've been in Macao for almost a week now. I came here to play cards, and that's what I'm doing most of the time, but I'll try to get in some touristy activites when I can. I'll be posting most of the time, as I am now, from a gorgeous little wifi hotspot in the center of an historic Portuguese part of town. Below is the view from where I'm sitting as I write this...

Devil Craft Pizza in Kanda

2011-11-26T19:17:00.000-08:00

The first time I had pizza in Japan, my girlfriend's family ordered some from Pizza-la, the Japanese version of Dominos. I was excited because I hadn't had pizza for several months up to that point. When it finally arrived, I was fortunate as the guest of the house to be the first served. However, seeing corn and mayonnaise on my slice was like a kick in the balls and it took all my will to keep my smile from being contorted into an angry grimace. I took a reluctant bite and was immediately pressed with "Good pizza, right? Japanese pizza is awesome, don't you think?" After months of being complimented on my ability to use chopsticks and eat raw fish, I felt a blood vessel pop up on my forehead and start throbbing. My right fist clenched ready to belt the shit out of my girlfriend's neighbor (who had been the first to open her trap). Then, I said it.

"Yeah, it's pretty good."

A significant part of my soul died that day.

You're American. You like pizza. You know that almost all pizza in Japan billed as American-style is shit.

You, my dissatisfied friend, are still hoping to find worthy American-style pizza in Tokyo.

Well, the wait is over. If you've got any good sense at all, you'll get yourself over to Devil Craft in Kanda for one or more of their excellent pies and a pint or two of Rogue Dead Guy Ale to wash it down.

Yeah, Rogue Dead Guy Ale in Japan. I mean, fuck me... I wish I had known before last weekend that one of the best brews from the Pacific Northwest was available in Tokyo.

Anyway, they've got like 15 beers on tap so don't be a cunt and order an Asahi Super Dry or something...

Happy Turkey Day, Fat-asses!

2011-11-24T08:15:00.000-08:00

Here's to all my fat-bastard fellow Americans celebrating Thanksgiving by stuffing their cakeholes full of turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie.

I haven't had a proper Thanksgiving dinner in 8 years... Don't think I've missed it much, but this year I'd really like to sit down to some mashed potatoes and gravy, a little pumpkin pie and sure, even some bird. I have to admit, I was one of those dipshitted folks who always thought of the holiday as Turkey Day.

When we're in grade school, we learn all about the origins of the holiday and we're asked to tell our classmates what we're thankful for. I remember thinking, I'm thankful for not being from a white-trash family like Timmy over there in the corner. I'm thankful I don't have a lazy eye like David, who may or may not be looking at me right now. I'm thankful that I can go home and pig out on junk food after school and not be starving like those poor bastards in Ethiopia...

What a little asshole I was.

We all were. Still are.

I guess getting past the point of being thankful for not being as fucked up as some others took longer than it should have, but at least I got there.

So, what am I thankful for this year?

I'm thankful that I no longer feel the need to eat myself into a diabetic coma. I'm thankful that the thought of doing so disgusts me.

But, goddamn, would I love a piece of pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top right now...

So Long, See You Again

2011-11-20T19:46:00.000-08:00

I met a man the other day, he looked a lot like me.
I saw him in the mirror and I fought him in the street.

When I was around 20, I met this guy who I had a lot in common with. We quickly struck up a friendship and talked almost every day. For the most part, we got along so well it was spooky. Except for one thing... from time to time, he'd go out of his way to get me fired up about something. I mean, to the point where I'd explode and do or say something stupid.

Usually when we talked about some dilemma I was having, he would come at me with flawless logic and convince me to see things a different way. But sometimes, he would needle me when I felt insecure or walked upon. "You've gotta have some pride, man," he would say. "Show people you're not one to be f@#ked with." I used to resist when he did this, but as time went on it became easier and easier to let his words lead me down the path of foolishness, and eventually it was like we had this telepathic bond where all he had to do was think something bound to incite anger in me and I would respond accordingly.

Honestly, I'm sometimes amazed that I made it to 25.

I'm in my thirties now, but I made reference to being 25 because that's about the time my influential friend made an exit from my life. I didn't see him again for a decade, but recently he's come back into my life. This time, however, we don't seem to have that much in common. So, we don't spend much time together. I'm far less diplomatic than I used to be, and when I feel he's goading me into something, I simply tell him to f@#k off, and he does.

Usually...

Lately, our encounters are becoming less and less frequent. I caught a brief glimpse of him on the subway the other day... the train had just entered a tunnel and I looked across the car, through the window, and out into the darkness that enveloped the train. The person standing next to me jabbed his elbow into my side without apologizing, and right then I saw my friend standing across the train car looking at me. He seemed tired. He started to grin and I braced myself for those inflammatory words he was certain to speak.

However, he just said "Let it go" and without thinking, that's exactly what I did.

All the Time in the World

2011-11-20T06:24:00.000-08:00

For years you do it this way...

The morning alarm goes off. You hit snooze and close your eyes. Just as you start to fall back into dreamland, the alarm goes off again. You get up, start the water running in the shower, and make your bed. You shower, make coffee and something to eat, and chill in front of the TV taking in the morning news. You finish eating, get dressed, brush your teeth, grab your gear and head out the door.

The morning train is dangerously overcrowded, but you squeeze your way on and ride it all the way downtown. You arrive at the office, say your good-mornings, and fire up the computer at your desk...

You get the point. Hell, you're living this.

Really, it isn't that bad, is it? You like your co-workers, the job itself isn't that tough, you're getting paid decently enough... It could be worse, right?

But, imagine this... Imagine waking up every day at the time you see fit to wake up. Imagine not having to rush for morning trains to get to work on time or evening trains to get home as quickly as possible to maximize your free time. Imagine working a hard day where in the end, it was all to your benefit.

Imagine this.

Ok, I know most people imagine this. I imagined it all the time myself. In fact, I imagined it so much, I couldn't shake free of all that I conjured up in my head about freedom and the pursuit of happiness. The idea that reality was a 9-to-5 job with miserable commutes finally disappeared from my thinking.

And tomorrow morning, Monday, I'll wake up jobless and unashamed...

One More Day...

2011-11-17T05:23:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow's my last day of work as a company man. As of 7:30 tomorrow evening, I'll be self-employed. For the foreseeable future, anyway.

After wrapping up loose ends here in Tokyo for the next ten days, I'm heading to Macau for five weeks before coming back for a short visit. Then it's off to Vegas for awhile. From there, I don't know where I'll be going and on what schedule I'll be moving around, but the tentative plan will be to play cards a bit on the east coast before heading over to Europe and back to Asia.

Anyway, Japan has been my home for the better part of the last seven years and I still feel that it is just that to me. I'm confident that Tokyo will be my home base for years to come, but nobody knows the future, so nothing's for certain, right?

One thing's for sure, the people who mean the most to me are right here in the Big T and that's enough to keep me coming back. But, really, beyond that, I do love this town and will miss it while I'm away.

The Country For Old Men

2011-11-09T04:24:00.000-08:00

If you know a bit about Japanese culture, you know that old men here walk through life with a huge sense of entitlement. That would be OK except for one thing...

They run the whole fucking show here.

Look at most major Japanese corporations and you'll see that not only the CEOs, but all the board members are in their 60s and 70s. Again, this would be OK except for one thing...

Many of these powerhouses are falling behind.

We used to call any portable music player a walkman, named after Sony's revolutionary cassette player. Now we call portable music players iPods. Sony TVs used to be the best of the best not so long ago, but now Samsung rules that market.

These are just a couple of examples...

Olympus, well-known for its cameras, printers, and medical systems is about to tank. Why? Because old fuckers who thought they could get away with shady business practices that seemed to work a few decades ago finally got caught by a relatively young CEO they brought in recently. So, they fired him, he made a stink, and now after the resignation of the old man, Tsuyoshi Kikukawa, who brought in former-CEO Woodford (Not even Japanese, but a Brit) and then fired him quite soon after, the company stands on the brink. Kikukawa said it was due to Woodford's lack of understanding of Japanese business culture and his bullheadedness. But, once fired, Woodford made public his concerns about the shady business practice of hiding losses to keep stock values up and soon after, Kikukawa was gone himself. And now the company is embroiled in one of Japan's worst corporate scandals ever.

Now, Japanese corporate governance has come under suspicion throughout the world, and even PM Noda has made a public statement asking the world not to judge the entire Japanese business world harshly in light of the Olympus scandal. That's how bad this is...

I've always been one to say that it's of the utmost importance that we don't let rich, powerful old men decide the future (one that they're certain to not even be a part of) for the youth. It's despicable that in Japan the whole system is built to bleed the youth dry to keep old men fat and happy in top positions they've attained mostly through seniority rather than by merit.

I only hope that the youth of Japan will soon say Hey, we've let these old fuckers have their day in the sun, now let them have their day in the fire if they don't step aside. And I'm not talking about some lame-ass protest of occupiers, I mean seriously burning these cocksuckers down before it's too late.

Seriously...

The Illusion of Control

2011-11-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

Life is all about probabilities.

Actually, the entire universe is all about them. But, most of us don't think about what goes on beyond the happenings confined to this spherical clump of matter being whipped around a large fusion reactor at the center of a mechanical system that is not as stable over time as humans would like to think.

Or believe.

For most, it's all about faith. Faith in one's self (I can do this. I've done this a thousand times before. I'm good at this), faith in those we assume are good at what they do (the engineers who designed this plane and the people who put it together at the factory aren't going to put something up in the air that isn't safe), or faith in God (God has plans for me/us and will get me/us through this).

In reality, though, we're just letting it ride with the odds in our favor.

Just because we're good at what we do, it doesn't mean we're going to be successful 100% of the time. Outside influences, off days... there are lots of ways for even experts to fail. Those buses with wings and jet engines that soar above our homes and workplaces every day do so because talented people with science and engineering backgrounds figured out a way to keep those massive metal objects up in the sky most of the time. What percentage is represented by most? Well, it's high enough that the commercial airline industry hasn't been brought down by excessive payments required by insurance settlements. But, we shouldn't be terribly surprised if one day we find ourselves in one of these contraptions free-falling back to the place where it was born (namely, the surface of the planet) at terminal velocity. We all know just by watching TV or browsing the interwebz that the probability is there.
And, those who think we can continue to ride on this massive rock at a fraction of ludicrous speed around a hot orange ball of hydrogen in a system (that has often been called a cosmic pinball machine) with impunity, all because "God has a plan for us", should really be forced to take not only classes in statistics and probability, but also in basic physics. At least.

Thinking about stuff like this before you get on that flight to paradise, or even just a remote work location, will give you at least a little pause. Some will say "Let go and let God."

Me? I say (as soon as in-flight service begins) "Beer, please. And keep 'em coming..."

One Week in Sapporo

2011-10-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

Last week was spent in Sapporo for work and I have to say the trip did a lot in helping me refresh spiritually.

Being a ramen lover, the first thing I did after checking into my hotel room was go to Susukino and hit up Ramen Yokocho ラーメン横丁 (Ramen Alley).

In case you didn't know, there are two major ramen cities in Japan, one being Fukuoka and the other Sapporo. Fukuoka is known for Tonkotsu 豚骨 ramen while Sapporo is known for miso 味噌 ramen, particularly white miso and corn-butter miso. Anyway, the first night I ended up having Miso Char Siu (味噌チャーシュー) ramen at a place called Teshikaga. I wasn't disappointed.

I ended up having ramen three more times over the next five days and was pleased most with the corn-butter miso (バターコーン味噌) ramen at a corner shop called Keraan (けらあん).

Anyway, I had Saturday to take a walk around town and below are some of the sights I saw.

The Last Year of the Best Decade

2011-10-15T01:26:00.000-07:00

Today I turned 39.

One more year to call myself a thirtysomething. One more year to wonder if the coffee-mug saying 'Life begins at 40' is actually true.

You know, I don't feel any older than I did 9 years ago. I look older, I know that. Not much, but I do. I've still got my hair. I'm not a fat slob. I dunno... I guess my thirties have been much, much better than my twenties ever were. I run several miles 3-4 times per week, I can still handle my liquor and wake up for a day outdoors the next morning, and I still take home a cute little thing in her early 20s from the bar once in awhile...

Yeah, I'm doing alright.

Next month brings the beginning of my world tour as a full-time card player and I have to say that I'm glad I'll still be in my thirties when I start. I know that I'll see and learn so much, not just about the world but about myself, while on this trip that I'll be able to hit 40 as a much better human being and world citizen.

Or, who knows?... I may be the same old joker I've always been. Can't wait to find out, though.

Setsuden? Ha!

2011-10-10T00:56:00.000-07:00

Setsuden (Electrical energy conservation) has been standard practice in Tokyo since the Great Tohoku Earthquake on March 11th.

While the rest of the buildings in Nishi Shinjuku remained relatively dark, the managers of this building had other ideas...

Occupy This!

2011-10-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

So, the big news today was the death of Steve Jobs. Yeah, it's sad and so many of us are connected to him via his brilliant inventions, but I have to admit I didn't expect this kind of reaction from the world community.

Of course, when I saw him compared to Einstein on Twitter, my belief that humankind is doomed became a little stronger...

Anyway, RIP Steve and thanks for the cool gadgets.

I have to say that what's been on my mind lately is this growing community of people who want to occupy places, chiefly Wall Street. However, there's now a site dedicated to occupying Tokyo. It's called, as you may have guessed, Occupy Tokyo.

There's a lot of support for this movement, but I don't get it. It's like Hey, let's occupy a bunch of places and hope that the people we believe fucked it all up will do something about it and fix it because we don't have any real idea of how to do it ourselves.

Brilliant. Oh, and you're modeling it after Arab Spring? News flash, morons... those people in Cairo knew exactly what they wanted to accomplish. They wanted their current leader out. And, if you saw any man-on-the-street interviews over there, you saw that they wanted a government that was a little friendlier toward the idea of destroying Israel. I mean, are these the people that those occupying boneheads want to model themselves after?...

You know, I watch this shit on TV and all it does is strengthen my belief that humankind is fucked.

Did I already say that?

And, as far as Occupy Tokyo goes, it doesn't get any more retarded than this. Look, the whole idea of this Occupy XXXX shit is that if people get in the way and make enough of a nuisance of themselves, government leaders will be forced to take action. People in Tokyo do nothing but get in the fucking way, you imbeciles! It's what they do. It's what they live with. And hoping the government will give in?... This is the country whose leaders were willing to sacrifice the entire nation rather than face defeat. It's gonna take a lot more than a handful of half-hearted Tokyoites who still have shopping as their favorite pastime.

Seriously, is there any hope for us?...

The First Six Years...

2011-10-02T08:45:00.000-07:00

Psychologists say that a child's attachment to its primary caregiver in the first six years of his/her life is very influential on what kinds of emotional attachments he/she can have for the rest of his/her life.

The following behaviors fundamental to personal and interpersonal well-being are involved and can be seriously disturbed.

(a) the ability to create deep and enduring love relationships,

(b) the strength to tolerate the imperfect satisfaction of personal needs,

(c) the attitudes and desire that lead to cooperation with others, and

(d) the motivation to learn and work

First, I look at (a)... two marriages and a long list of short-term dating and boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Yep, seriously affected there.

Next, (b)... Man, if people let me down, holy fuck does it cheese me off. I mean, I've got my shit together what the fuck's wrong with you? Uh, ok, so you get the point there.

On to (c)... Hey, my motto is "I'm ok, you're ok, we're ok."

Alright, it's actually "I'm ok, everyone else is fucked."

Finally (d)... Surprisingly A-ok on this one.

I always knew I fit the bill of a maladjusted, emotionally disconnected fuck-up, but it never occurred to me until recently that this is likely largely due to being the only child of a poor, working single mother who loved the nightlife above all else.

But hey, I'm not in jail and still getting laid on a regular basis, so I'm not totally emotionally retarded.

Yay.

Tokyo Says Goodbye to Summer

2011-09-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like summer is finally over here in Tokyo. This weekend brought us some beautiful fall days.

Actually, we didn't have much of a summer here. Besides the two major typhoons, we had way too much shitty rainy weather. One good thing this summer brought, however, was a solid beginning to a new exercise routine for me.

Up until ten years ago, I was a jogging maniac. I'd run almost every day for at least 5 miles and some days up to 15. Now, I'm getting back into the shape I used to be in. I'm running hard, eating less, and feeling pretty damn good in general.

Yep, fall's bringing about several changes for me, the biggest being the transition from wage-slave salaryman lackey to unemployed globetrotting card player.

Oh yes, the times they are a changing...

No Ordinary Blowjob For Japan

2011-09-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

For a few hours today Typhoon Roke beat the shit out of Tokyo, stopping almost all train lines completely and leaving a hell of a lot of mangled umbrellas blowing, along with fragments of plastic store signs and broken glass, into people stupid enough to be walking down the street in the middle of the storm that produced the strongest winds Japan has seen in 18 years.

Me? I took the only train near my office still working two stops and walked 40 minutes home from there. Nothing new, though; I walked the whole way after the March 11th earthquake. Whatever. My office isn't that far from where I live. And, I like walking.

So, I know you're thinking it. Even if you don't want to say it.

I've been thinking it too.

I mean, the March 11th quake and tsunami followed by the Fukushima Daiichi meltdown, then the typhoon that struck last week killing 100 people, and after that, today's blowjob...

So, we're all thinking it, right? Why does God hate Japan? Is this payback for AKB48?

You know, maybe Hurricane Katrina was payback for America's obsession with American Idol. And, with Glee and Gossip Girl, I'm afraid the good old US of A is in for an even-bigger doozy...

I think it's time to find a small developing nation with a lack of an extremely shitty pop culture and call it a safe haven.

Safe for now, anyway...

Ain't Lighting Money on Fire

2011-09-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

Today's US dollar vs. Yen exchange rate is about as good as it gets. Sure, there's no guarantee that the greenback has bottomed out, but not turning at least some of your yen into US dollars at this point in time is lighting money on fire if you're an American who isn't planning on staying in Japan long term...

Shinjuku of the Clouds: iPhone Does Tokyo

2011-09-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

Was walking to lunch just outside my office in Shinjuku when this scene caught my eye. At first, I regretted only having my iPhone camera with me, but upon inspection of the shot I took, I was quite pleased with the result...

Now This Is The Summer I Wanted...

2011-09-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

So, it's mid-September and we have gorgeous summer weather all week. I'm talking beautiful sunny days, 90-degree heat, mild humidity... Perfect beach weather.

Except Japan has officially declared that it's now the fall season. You know, because the calendar said so. By the book. Stick to the manual. That's Japan.

Fuckers.

I stepped onto an unairconditioned train today hoping to cool off after a long walk from the workplace to the station. WTF?!

I stopped in at my local convenience store to pick up something to eat and had to stand over a hot, steaming pot of oden placed in front of the register. You know oden, right? That Japanese autumn specialty. Really good on a chilly fall evening.

Except it's still 90 degrees out.

Fuckers.

Ten Years After

2011-09-10T23:25:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago, I was being recruited by several graduate schools to join their physics PhD programs. Ten years ago, my father was still alive. Ten years ago, everything was about to change for me...

Watching on TV those two planes slam into the twin towers, one of them live as it happened, was like a kick in the balls. Watching the two towers collapse was like being kicked in the face while kneeling in agony from the first blow.

Why did it feel that way? Because "that shit can't happen here" had just turned into "Can't believe that shit happened here." Or there, to be accurate, since I've been in Japan for the better part of a decade now.

Don't get me wrong, I never believed my country would be able to go on exploiting others with impunity forever... It was just shocking to see such an act carried out in such horrific, spectacular fashion. I guess most people felt the same.

Ten years after, it's in the history books and nothing has really changed. In fact, America continues it's long, slow slide into mediocrity. To be honest, I'm just hoping the speed of that slide doesn't increase any time in the near future.

One thing's for sure though, that old Chinese curse is squarely upon us all.

Where's the Shogun of Harlem When You Need Him?

2011-09-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

Leo O'Brien got shot in Harlem. Three times. By a friend. And lived.

I mean, what else would you expect from Bruce Leroy's younger bro? Well, OK, if it was Bruce Leroy himself, he would've caught that shit with his teeth.

But, there can be only one Master. And for now, that's my man Bruce. His younger bro will have to settle for catching bullets with his stomach. Uh, and arm.

You know, things were never this crazy when the Shogun was running things up in Harlem.

Original Story: NY Times Article - 'The Last Dragon' star Leo O'Brien hospitalized after being shot 3 times in Harlem

Tohoku Earthquake, Six Months Already?

2011-09-04T00:13:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that later this week it will have been six months since the Tohoku Earthquake of March 11th. While there are reminders all around those of us living in Tokyo of the great disaster that befell East Japan this spring, such as power conservation (節電 - setsuden) due to the reduction in electrical power production resulting from the destruction of the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant and the closures of others over saftey concerns, for most of us life goes on much as it always had before the quake.

Living with constant apprehension over future quakes and tsunamis as well as health problems caused by radioactive materials leaking out into the environment from Fukushima Daiichi, not to mention food contamination and shortage problems, has for the most part become a thing of the past for Tokyoites.

Last night, however, a documentary of the quake filled with home videos of the tsunami disaster reminded me of just how much tension there was for all living in East Japan just a few months ago. Actually, I was a little disappointed in myself over how easily I'd put all that behind me. Not that I suffered any trauma due to the disaster, but just that the thoughts of those suffering and in need in the Tohoku region which used to be at the front of my mind had somehow slipped toward the back and almost into mental storage.

I recorded it and plan to watch it from time to time so as not to forget completely...

Have Passport - Will Travel

2011-08-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

Got my new passport last week, one with 52 pages in it. My last one had half as many and was about 80% full before cashing it in this time. And, it still has my Japan work visa in it so I guess I'm going to have to carry both around with me for awhile unless immigration here has any other ideas about it.

The other day I turned in my letter of intent not to renew my contract at work, so now it's official and I'll be free to start using up those pages in November. First stop is Macau, where I'll be for 1 - 2 months. After that, I'm not sure. A trip back to Japan for a few weeks isn't out of the question since Tokyo will be my home base. For awhile, anyway. But, I like the idea of not having a set plan, just purchasing air tickets online, getting to the local airport and slapping that magical little blue book down at the departures counter before hitting the skyways. Or maybe I'll go by sea.

One thing's for sure about this upcoming experience... It won't suck.

Forgot What an Epiphany Felt Like...

2011-08-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a long time, I had an epiphany today.

Being in my thirties, single and without kids, I'm often asked "Don't you want a family?" I usually don't bother telling those who ask that I once had a family with a woman and her kid from a previous marriage. I don't tell them that for one year, I was called "Papa" every day by a 3-year-old girl. I don't tell them that for one year, I was happy to fill that role.

Why wouldn't I tell them that? Because then I'd have to explain why I'm single now and and I don't really like getting into that.

But, for the most part, I've always known I'd be a terrible parent long term. I just never really connected the dots and put together why I've come to be the way I am concerning relationships.

Today's epiphany was a simple one. I won't say what it was since it's quite personal. What I can say is that it's very satisfying to know yourself a little better.

Know thyself.

Words to live by...

Moon Over Sasazuka

2011-08-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

Always loved this shot, one of the few of mine where you can actually make out the man in the moon. Could use it as a promo poster for An American Werewolf in Tokyo?...

OK, maybe not.

Two Grandfathers, Two Warriors

2011-08-21T08:09:00.000-07:00

Seems like I've watched at least twenty different WWII documentaries on The History Channel and The Discovery Channel this month. I've always been interested in WWII history and was especially pleased to watch the newer programs on The Discovery Channel that featured rare color footage exclusively.

However, when I watch such programs, I'm always reminded of the accounts of the war I heard from both of my grandfathers. My mother's father was a commando with the Royal Canadian Army who was stationed in London for most of the Blitz and fought on the European continent after that. My father's father, also a Canadian at the start of the war, was recruited into the American Air Force and given American Citizenship after he completed 25 missions as a tailgunner in a B-17 bomber.

My grandfather in the Air Force would often get drunk and talk about shooting down German fighters. Even as a kid I remember thinking, Is this guy for real? I mean, how could someone who participated in such horrific aerial battles talk so crassly about it? Well, the truth is that the experience really fucked him up and he was never much of a nice guy to anybody. The only time I really felt any respect for the guy was well after he passed away, when my uncle showed me his medals and citations for valor.

My mother's father for years refused to talk to anyone about his war experiences, despite the fact that he was a professional soldier for twenty years and served in Korea after WWII. However, one day a few months before his death (he was slowly dying of cancer at the time), he told me he wanted to talk to me about it. He never said why, and I imagine it's that he wanted someone (I was a teenager at the time) to know about what he went through. But whatever the reason, I was glad to hear his accounts, even though they were pretty fucking scary. When he was finished and visibly tired, I thanked him for sharing his experiences with me. He didn't say anything, just went over to the living room couch and laid down for a nap.

My teary-eyed grandmother told me that was the first time she'd heard any of it.

Though I often entertained the thought of serving in the military, I never did. I chose college and never regretted it. But, whether here in Japan or in the U.S., it's hard not to look around and wonder if anyone possesses the character of those that fought and suffered in the Big One. I wonder about myself every time I look in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I never want to be put to that kind of test. I just think that we've got it so easy and we rarely give a thought to what those who walked before us went through.

I am glad to know a tiny bit of what my grandfathers knew, though...

For Ze Last Time, Ver Are Your Papers!

2011-08-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

Went to the embassy yesterday to turn in my application for passport renewal. I was surprised at how not busy the place was, but thankful for it.

After the usual security rigmarole, I got in to the passports division. All the staff members were quite friendly for members of the State Department and I was in and out in a reasonable amount of time. The only thing that makes me nervous about the whole procedure is that I had to turn in my still-valid passport along with the application and will get it back along with the new one in about two weeks.

Two weeks.

I'm in a foreign country for two weeks without a passport. I mean, I can't just hop on a plane and leave this place for two weeks or more.

Hope this country doesn't suffer another major crisis during this period. Of course, I don't think I'll run away next time, either...

Idle Hands...

2011-08-13T01:39:00.000-07:00

So, I'm in the last few days of a 10-day vacation, and what have I done to make the most of my time off?...

Nothing. Jack squat. Fuck all.

I'd like to say I'm a better man for it. You know, having taken the time to relax, meditate on the possibilities, ponder the deeper meanings...

Ok, ok, you know where I'm going with this so I won't bother.

Maybe tonight's the night I'll start running again.

Or, maybe not.

Probably not.

Playing Cards Full Time From November...

2011-08-09T00:58:00.000-07:00

Finally made the decision to go back to playing cards full time. For awhile, anyway.

I'll be in Macau at the end of December and will be there for a couple of months. I plan to keep Tokyo as a home base and hope to start a business here in the near future. It's just that I need to travel a bit and see some new sights, breathe some different air, be doing things my way...

I can already taste the freedom.

Out With My Ex

2011-08-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

Finally caught up with my ex-wife today after not meeting up for about a year. I was hoping she'd be happy and healthy, but it seems she's still just as troubled as she ever was.

When you're in your twenties, you always think you've got time to find true happiness, maybe in the form of true love... who knows? But, in your thirties, especially your late thirties, it's easy to wonder if there really is such a thing as true happiness. I say this not because I'm unhappy myself, but because it pains me to know someone I love and care about, and once shared a life together with, can exist as such a tortured soul...

Just a Gigolo... Or Not

2011-08-03T08:27:00.000-07:00

So, I'm getting email messages from an old friend about how he's buying into all this 2012 doomsday prophecy shit and I'm having to research a bunch of it online so I can continue a debate with him.

But then, American Gigolo comes on cable TV and I remember being young and stupid enough in high school to think I could possibly swing that kind of lifestyle. I mean, screw rich ladies, drive a nice car, wear super-fashionable clothes... What guy wouldn't want that?

So, now it's like 20 years later with countless sexual experiences under the belt. And with as regrettable as some of those were, I keep thinking one thing...

Why couldn't I have at least gotten paid, dammit.

A Most Valuable Zero

2011-08-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

There's a lot of history to be seen in and around Tokyo. A place that means a lot to older Japanese folks who lived through WWII, but remains a point of controversy when it comes to relations between Japan, China and S. Korea, is Yasukuni Shrine. Chinese and Korean leaders go batshit insane with anger whenever a Japanese prime minister visits the place because some convicted war criminals are enshrined there.

Whatever... there's a well-preserved Japanese Mitsubishi Zero fighter on display in their war museum and that's cool enough for me.

Shyamalan Does it Again

2011-07-29T22:47:00.000-07:00

And, I don't mean that in a good way...

Signs, The Happening,... he gave us movies that intrigued us and had us waiting in suspense for some epic conclusions, but he has continued to let us down with anticlimactic, spiritual/philosophical messages that extinguish the intensity of his stories like water does fire.

Well, Devil isn't any different. The only saving grace is that it seems to make fun of itself. Have to give M. Night Shyamalan some credit for that. Anyway, it's worth a watch if you have the afternoon off sick from work.

I watched another movie that day, one which caught me by surprise.

Let Me In is a Hollywood remake of the Swedish movie Let the Right One In, arguably one of the best vampire flicks ever. When I first heard that this movie was in the works, I figured it was going to be another Hollywood version of a foreign film that wouldn't do the original justice. But, remembering The Ring, and how much I appreciated the quality of it compared to the Japanese original, I decided to give Let Me In a try. All I'll say here is that it is as close to perfection as a horror movie can get. It is certainly the most beautiful horror flick I've ever seen.

Good thing they didn't let Shyamalan direct it.

Eating To Live, Not the Other Way Around

2011-07-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'm not fat, not really even overweight. I just want to lean up. So, starting this week, I'm keeping my daily calorie intake between 1000 and 1500.

For lunch today I had a regular 6-inch Subway turkey breast sub (300 cal) and water. Thought I'd be hungry and miserable for the rest of the afternoon at work, but I actually felt great all day. An onigiri and yogurt before finishing up the evening's work and a small pasta dinner after getting home.

I dunno, I guess I'm just not all that into eating anymore.

Might have to cut down the food a little more to squeeze in under the limit while still managing my normal beer intake, though...

Before You 'Cuse Me...

2011-07-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

This is bad, but on a national morning program here in Japan, several guests were talking trash about China and how it's no shock to anyone that they had yesterday's big train collision. Basically, they went on about how China ripped off their bullet train technology from Japan and how China is bound to fuck up whatever they do because they're not as on top of the game as Japan is.

Ok, sure, the thought of industrial espionage is something to be a little bitter about, especially if you're a nationalist douchebag. But, to denigrate them and label them as incapable of managing a railway or public utility competently only a day after such a terrible accident is beyond your typical douchebag behavior in my opinion.

And, if anyone needed an example of how mismanagement can lead to catastrophe, there's this power company called TEPCO that had a little accident recently...

Chinese Bullet Trains, Norway, and Amy Winehouse

2011-07-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine commented on his Facebook page that he thought it was a sign o' the times that many people had posted "RIP Amy Winehouse", and hardly anyone mentioned the horrific act of terrorism in Oslo, Norway. And, he didn't even mention the Chinese bullet train crash...

My thoughts: If an artist that you connect deeply with via their music dies, it affects you. And, with this being the 21st century where everyone and their grandmothers have blogs, Facebook pages, Twitter accounts, whatever, you're going to post your feelings of regret concerning the loss of someone influential to you from the music world.

I mean, and I know it sounds crass, but who are a bunch of random shooting victims to most of us anyway? We reel in shock at the news of such awful events because we can imagine the sorrow of the families who lost love ones and the fear of those who endured such an ordeal. But, our world doesn't change much, if at all.

And, when something like yesterday's bullet train crash happens in China, it barely registers to most westerners because there's like a billion people in China, they often die en masse in that country anyway, and well, what else do we expect from Chinese technology?...

World keeps turning, people keep dying, and we become more and more desensitized to it every day.

Anybody remember that big earthquake we had here in Japan and the resulting tsunami that killed tens of thousands of people?...

Terrorism in Norway? WTF?!!

2011-07-22T20:14:00.000-07:00

Just saw the news at Reuters that at least 87 people were killed in an act of terrorism in Oslo, Norway. It's hard to imagine in a place that hosts the Nobel Peace Prize and rarely makes the international news for any other reason.

Apparently, the shooter and those behind the bombing in the capital belong to a right-wing extremist group. Still early, so not many details yet.

I hope to visit Scandinavia in the near future, of course stopping in Oslo, and this won't deter me... But, I guess if it can happen there, it can happen anywhere.

Lannisters and Targaryens and Starks, Oh My...

2011-07-21T07:59:00.000-07:00

Ok, is anyone jonesing for the next season of Game of Thrones as much as I am? I get addicted to few TV dramas, but lately both Mad Men and Game of Thrones have succeeded in making me stupid with anticipation.

Lucky for me, Mad Men is running on Japanese cable TV here as a weekly drama, so every Tuesday after I get home from work (and I have to hustle home to make it on time), I sit down with a combini bento and a beer, and check out the latest exploits of the uber-cool Don Draper.

Everyone needs an escape, and with TV dramas done as well as these are, it's so easy to do a mental getaway for an hour or two...

One For the Ladies

2011-07-18T04:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to lie and pretend I'm into women's sports. Especially not soccer.

However, the victory by the ladies of the Japanese national soccer team, known locally as Nadeshiko Japan, is a bright spot in a very dark year for the land of the rising sun.

Way to go, ladies...

Hey (hey) You (you), Get Offa My Timeline

2011-07-16T06:56:00.000-07:00

Originally posted in November, 2008

A favorite poem of mine is “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost. Most people who know this poem rarely recall it in its entirety, but can usually recite at least a few lines from the final portion, which goes like

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

It seems to be the most moving and meaningful part of the poem for most people, and while I appreciate the thought-provoking power contained within these lines, I’ve always been intrigued by the first part, which goes like

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Take a moment to soak in these lines, especially the part

…And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler…

Did Frost mean travel along two separate paths simultaneously?

While quantum physics theory was still in its early stage of development at the time of this poem’s publication (1916), and the infamous Copenhagen Interpretation of quantum mechanics, which implies that “unobserved” particles exist in a superpositon of quantum states, or more meaningfully, they exist in multiple realities sumultaneously, had not been revealed to the world yet, I can only imagine that Frost considered the idea of parallel universes or alternate realities at least briefly when composing these lines.

Or, maybe I just think too much... Whatever.

Even before majoring in physics at university and in graduate school, I’d always been fascinated by the study of quantum realities and time travel. Yeah, yeah… I know most people who’ve never studied quantum mechanics think the idea of a superposition of multiple realities sounds like science fiction, but it is accepted scientific theory and has some strange-sounding interpretations that come along with it. I won’t go into details here, but you can read the great introduction to quantum physics for the layperson, “In Search of Schroedinger’s Cat” by John Gribbin.

Anyway, having thought a bit lately about roads and roads not taken, I’ve been wondering if there is a me somewhere who took a different path than the one I did, existing now in an alternate reality I can only imagine. And, if there is, is he wondering about the me that exists here and now writing this post? Whoa! Wait a minute… There are people in this world who are wondering if the ones they long for, but are far away, are thinking of them right now, and I’m wondering if some other version of me is thinking of me? Holy shit! That’s wrong somehow.

It’s funny how I hadn’t thought much about this stuff during the last year or so, but starting about a month ago, it’s been on my mind. Too much free time? Hell no; I’ve been as busy as ever with moving, changing positions at work, hanging out with friends, dating… Who knows, maybe I’m longing for some down time. Maybe some action at a distance has occurred and an alternate version of me is communicating with me somehow. Maybe it’s a plea for help from a me that is about to have his timeline erased. Jeez! I just gave myself the creeps…

Well, as luck, or fate, or the sheer randomness of the movements of the universe would have it, I came across another blog post that seemed to touch on the theme of roads not taken and it resonated with what had been going through my mind for the last several weeks. Being someone that is most often excited by the questions more than the answers (though I am uncommonly tenacious in seeking the answers once I commit myself to solving a problem), I enjoy thought-provoking stories, statements, etc…

So, being all fired up again about alternate realities and time travel, I busted out my copy of “Primer” and watched it for the somewhere-between-40th-and-50th time. Have you seen this movie? It’s an indie that won big at the 2004 Sundance Film Festival and is likely the most powerful science fiction flick ever made. And, it was made on a $7000 budget with no special effects. Yeah, you have to put on your thinking cap for this one, but hey, you’ve got to pull it out of storage sometimes anyway; the moths have been at it.

So, now you ask, Has all this been just leading up to a movie recommendation? Well, maybe, maybe not. Either way, if you’re going to read any more of what I have to say on this subject, it might be better if you’ve watched “Primer” first...

Ending it All in Dramatic Fashion

2011-07-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

Some pour soul decided to hurl herself in front of a Narita Express train at a station in East Tokyo yesterday. Really, though, this happens a lot in Tokyo, much to the dismay of already annoyed commuters who find their daily grind to be a little more grating than normal. Actually, this was the second day in a row for the Narita Express.

Supposedly, JR (Japan Railways) will present a clean-up bill to surviving family members of the deceased if the preferred method of suicide involves one of their trains. Pretty fucking cold, if you ask me. And, I doubt it's enforceable anyway...

Anyway, the lady who did her train dive yesterday ended up getting blasted back into the station where she flew through the glass door of a shop injuring four bystanders.

Fuckin' A...

Message to the depressed, downtrodden, dejected souls who are currently circling the drain emotionally and may very soon cash in all their chips:

Please do it at home.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Link to story at Japan Today

Losing Touch is Hard To Do

2011-07-12T08:31:00.000-07:00

My ex-wife called me yesterday morning after half a year without contact. In fact, I've only seen her one time in the last 12 months. Last time she messaged me on Skype, it was to say "Lose all of my contact information and never contact me again."

That was it. I never responded. I just did as she asked.

So, anyway, at 9:00 a.m. on the Shonan Shinjuku Line platform at Shinjuku Station yesterday, her call comes in to my phone just as the train is pulling in. We talk for half the duration of the train ride. The shitty Softbank signal keeps dropping out, so eventually I just send her a text letting her know I have the afternoon free if she wants to meet for coffee. She says she'll let me know by 1:00 p.m. where she wants to meet up.

At about 1:30, she calls and apologizes for not coming.

Nothing changes.

After lunch, she called me again and we talked for a couple hours, me sitting on a bench in the shade of a building in Minatomirai, and her sitting in her apartment. Most of the time during our conversation I just kept wondering if it would have been for the best had the day just started as any other day, without a phone call from her.

By the time I hung up, she'd convinced me to meet her for dinner after I got off work. I started to actually look forward to having a drink and laughing with her again.

After I wrapped things up at the workplace, I pulled my phone from my bag and checked my messages. The first was from her.

"We can meet some other time."

Nothing changes...

Four Months After the Quake

2011-07-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

Walking home from the station, I passed by a local bar and looked in through the window. On a TV above the counter an aged and bloated Stevie Wonder belted out one of his many hits while hammering away on a piano. I'm sure his voice was amazing, though...

Passing a few other neighborhood spots while enjoying the night air and the general good atmosphere of the place I live in, it dawned on me that as of today, exactly four months have passed since the Great East Japan Earthquake and shit is still in disarray in the Tohoku region, and the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant is still putting radiation out into the environment.

The government here in Japan has shown a shocking level of ineptitude in dealing with the triple disasters and things are not even close to starting to look up. Everyone knows that Japan is A Country For Old Men and the big show here is run by a bunch of childish fossils who think they're entitled to have their asses kissed by everyone underneath them until the day they retire, whereupon many of them will be placed into Amakudari positions allocated for them in the private sector by the same companies that had them in their hip pockets from the beginning of their careers.

Yes, just like the good ol' US of A, big business wields the most power, but unlike Muricans, 99.9% of Japanese people are perfectly happy to play their sheepish parts and collectively exercise their right to STFU.

It's getting harder and harder to find a reason to stay here...

Wish I Was in Macau...

2011-07-09T22:09:00.000-07:00

Woke up today wishing I was in Macau. Don't know why, though... It's a beautiful day here in Tokyo. Oh well, I'll be back there soon enough. I'm sure it's brutally hot down there right now anyway...

Beyond Black Friday

2011-07-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

No single event in the history of online poker has shaken the industry the way Black Friday did. With U.S. players unable to play poker online at the world's two largest sites, PokerStars and Full Tilt, things are a lot different. Actually, nobody can play at Full Tilt right now because the virtual tables have all been closed due to an indictment of one of the site's owners.

These days, I'm playing online at Titan Poker. In terms of looks and functionality, it's not as nice as Full Tilt was, but the players there are sooooo bad it's hard not to book a winning session. One other issue I've had with Titan is not being able to get Poker Tracker working with it. But, this is probably for the best since I need to wean myself off of the HUD as there's a good chance I'll be back to playing cards live full time by the end of the year.